My life is in ruins

i dont get it.. why must u make such a fuss when we did a small thing like not offing the light? Scolding and shouting at us.. Yes u want us to do the right thing, but did u care abt our feelings? Pain hurt , u wouldnt know that. Countless nights of crying in the darkness, Thoughts of sucidal occurs here and there. did u ever know ur son would do that? I'm breaking down.. Whenever i see parents communicating well with their children, i feel jealous.. Why couldnt we too? I already give up on this relationship... Communicating is impossible. .

Its been almost 5 months since that day passed. . . U wouldnt know that i still think of u everynight. Thinking abt the foolish i did, if i havent did all those, we would still be together.. It rips my heart just thinking abt that.. Call me naive or stubborn, i still love u and maybe hope one day a miracle would happen. . Everything is not in place.. the 4 words u gave me, it rings in my head everytime. It kills 99.9% of my heart. There's this 0.1% that refuse to give up still. . Everything is going against it. Msn conversation was never the same. . its just one word answer to my question and the conversation is dead... one question one answer.. Is this how its going to be? Maybe . YOur heart that i have broken will never be fixed again.. blame it on my stupidness. ..

I need to be strong. God please help me tide through this 2 situation.. only then can i be free again. . My heart is self destructing slowly. After that, i will just be a zombie, someone with no feelings. . Oh god, please give me the strength to live and tide through the situation. . Why is all this shit happening to me? Tears rolling everyday.. i'm tired.. really tired.. Why is there nothing called dream world, where there is no saddness but happiness. .